Hi! It’s me again with another week of dating app stupidity. Let my public service work continue! If you want to check out the last three blog posts of ridiculousness (i.e. we don’t wanna see pics of dead things and other fun), they are linked at the bottom!
We’re going to focus first on guys that fill out their bios and for some reason want you to feel sorry for them because they can’t get a date. EVERYONE IS ON THE APP FOR DATING. The Debbie Downer thing probably isn’t a good way to go…
You sound like you’d be fun on a date, that’s for sure…no.
Well, this is a real set up for success. So, is this where I’m supposed to swipe right, or…nope, definitely to the no side.
Some folks should choose a little bit of time with an educated professional first, before hopping back on the ol’ dating scene. For example…
I think I’ll just save us both some time and run away screaming now. Ok, buh bye then.
Ok, what other fun can I come up with for this week? Oh, just you wait.
No. First of all, I’m going to guess your past girlfriends/wives would disagree with this or you wouldn’t be on this app. Also, no. So much creepy ass no.
This one needs to also see an educated professional…
I’m gonna go with this dating app is not the place for you…
NEXT!
I highly doubt that.
This guy shouldn’t even be here.
He even included a picture with her from the day they got engaged. I still haven’t figured out if they just broke up or if she’s still on the planet. Either way, if this isn’t a red flag, I don’t know what is.
This guy…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ok…this might beat the ‘mommy milkers’ guy from the first week as my favorite. It’s a close race.
We’ll go ahead and end with a photo this week that my friend Suzanne sent me because, well…this is just glorious.
Yes, this is actually someone’s profile photo. There is so much happening here…A) That is a great Michael Jackson poster. Yes, that is the first thing I’m focusing on instead of the shit show before us. B) The plunger. Why? That can’t be comfortable. And C) Is this supposed to be attractive to women? Or was this funny to you and your friends when you were setting up your profile?
I don’t know how many times I can say this: find your best girlfriend (friend that is a girl. Not an actual girlfriend. There are specific apps for that kink and we are tired of being asked if we want to be your third, but that is a whole different rant. AND DON’T BE ON THESE APPS CHEATING, YOU ASSHOLE), and have her help you write your bio and find good photos if you’ve actually done anything even close to what is giving me glorious material for blogs.
As always, thank you to Stephanie and Suzanne as some of these fantastic examples of humanity are theirs.
For more entertainment here are the past blogs: