It is time for Week 2 of my public service to all men on dating apps. There are guys with great dating profiles out there, and yet my friends Suzanne, Stephanie and I have continued to see the worst of the worst SOMEHOW. So I am here to continue to help you not fall into the pitfalls of a terrible dating app bio. While we’re at it your photos are terrible too.
I do want to reiterate a something from last week just in case you missed it. We still don’t want to see dead animals. Dead deer, dead fish, anything you’ve hunted, killed, driven by on the side of the road. Any of it. We don’t care. My 11 and 15 year old nephews hunt and fish and have probably gotten a better deer and bigger catch than you. You are not special for this quality, so these photos don’t endear me to you.
Speaking of photos we don’t want to see, what is with all the golf photos? At this point all the golf photos (and dead things) are the male version of the basic bitch. Are all the hunting and golf photos your way of saying you’re not going to spend any time with us and will expect us to pay for every date you will grace us with cause you’re too busy buying golf clubs, tee times, and guns? No thank you.
Let’s now move along to the weird things in bios. Again, I have an entire folder on my computer for these. These are just the few examples I’ve chosen for THIS WEEK. I’m not sure if any of these beat mommy milkers guy from last week, but you can be the judge.
File this under things I never, ever need to know:
Why? Why would you ever put that on your profile? I don’t even have words for that.
Now this guy…
Are we supposed to be impressed? All you’ve done is show how immature you are. What this tells me is you have zero skills, but you want everyone to think you’re a ladies man. I’m going to guess you’re best friends with you’re left hand. Try again.
Next up for the bio fail: Referencing your ex is just a bad idea. Telling us you make a good rebound and to just check with your ex? Super bad idea!
One thing I’ll say for this next guy is at least he’s helpful!
Usually I want to end on something funny, however I saw this guy on one of the apps and needed to point this out. Gaslighting is a real thing. It is not a joke. It is abuse. It may not have been popularly known with a name before the last few years, but it has been happening to both men and women for a very long time. I’m not sure I’ve ever been so angry to see this being made a joke of. It’s not funny and not a joke in any way, shape or form.
Alright! So we still don’t care about dead things, that you clog the toilet, your “skills”, and so help me don’t ever make jokes about serious subjects because they will never be funny. You are welcome!